The Last Leg...plus penguins.

Hello everyone it is Loko because Charlie has finally allowed me to contribute.
Yesterday was the dreaded drive from Franz Josef  to Christchurch, which Charlie so valiantly volunteered to do. It wasn't the sheer distance that bothered us, but rather the fact that our big gay adventure was ever so slightly drawing to a close.

Driving on the west coast is incredibly different to the east and inland, more rainforests and cows rather than vast scenic scenery to be seen. Regardless it was still awesome. It was so windy at one stage charlie overstepped his gay line by giggling like a school girl throughout. I sat comfortably admiring the drive devouring 90c chips we reluctantly bought with our last skerric of cash.

If you enjoy social media, you might've seen the amazing backdrop of Arthurs Pass, and me being super athletic and pretending I can jump. (charlie in this one) Truly spectacular drive. We remembered the exact spot we were stopped and told to turn back 2 weeks previous. Needless to say we were still awestruck by the scenery that is scenic enough to be seen. Stopped at castle hill (believe me, its luckily nothing like sydney's) and climbed rocks, photos to be uploaded in due time.

After a largely large day we finally made it to Christchurch, quite an odd city, Still feeling the effects of the 2011 earthquake big time. It was clear to see that at our hostel.
About 30 mins from the city lies the point break backpackers, situated in New Brighton, a town so isolated it'd put Chernobyl to shame. We got dinner at the only place that was open...subway.
After being convinced our hostel was being run by russian extremists, and after a few games of pool (me being the undisputed champion of the universe) we called it a night. Only to be woken up at 3am by a rhinocerous. Oh wait sorry that was the fat american...wait, sorry, the fat american rhinocerous snoring. Charlie woke him up and let him know that he was keeping the whole of new zealand awake. So we're feeling the effects now as you can imagine.
After walking around shops that were situated in shipping containers, we drove out to the Antarctic Experience, close to the airport. Basically a museum with lots of cool shit. And it was cool shit. SO MANY PENGUINS. Real penguins that is. Had a pretty cool ride in the Håggëlbúrñ (can't remember what it was called, something swedish) which is the terrain vehicle for antarctica.

Right now we're enjoying a pint at a monteiths bar, reflecting on life, the universe, and everything.
For now, see you in sydney! To the airport!

Freshness always,
Loko xox

The Glaciers

We left Wanaka yesterday with Joachim and headed to Franz Josef on a drive that involved a lot of yelling at cows and plenty of car horn tunes. Low cloud and light rain mildly dampened the views but the lakeside drive was still great.

Arriving late afternoon we made a quality late lunch of various meat and vege in a tin and then jumped on the surprisingly pleasant hostel jacuzzi. Being Joachim's last night with us we bought a case and watched a film then had a muck around on guitars and ukuleles with some other travellers.

Joachim left early morning and after breakfast we headed to Fox Glacier. It was cool, pun unintended... Back to the hostel for lunch then Franz Josef glacier. The walk there was great and I had a play under a waterfall bring the smart one with a raincoat. It got colder as we approached the glacier leaving Loko's nips going haywire. It's a shame you can't get closer because they look awesome even from a distance.

We went out for dinner where I received the worlds largest hot dog and played some pool with a few drinks. Off to Christchurch tomorrow, big drive ahead!

Stay housin'! Charlie X

Two lovers in Wanaka.

Hello chum diggitys. Although we shed many tears saying goodbye to Queensland, we are looking forward to the west coast.
We arrived in Wanaka yesterday afternoon had a wander around the town and a quiet evening watching a film. after the film we met up with Joachim for a drink.
This morning we are headed to Franz Josef. unfortunately I have woken up sick so hoping I will have a quick recovery.

Always keep left. Toodles, Charlie X

Lugeing and Lashing

Had a great day yesterday. Went up the mountain on the gondola with Zoom, Smartie and Tim from Jersey along with Floss, Millie and Georgie from Perth. Spent the afternoon tearing up the luge track. Lots of fun and no spills. The view of Queenstown just added to the experience.

After a shop and some intense games of pictionary and trivial pursuit we started up a barbecue with the other boys. We needed the sustenance for last night was the hostel's international Mario kart championship. Wales ended up being the victor but Millie brought Australia in for a cool second.

It was then onto Searle Lane and then to Cowboy bar. It was a great night out. Now an expansion for the photo. When we passed Fergburger everyone was holding up their hands so we all joined in it wasn't until after the picture we realised there was a heater above their heads.

Well enjoy life and keep your teeth white. Goodbye Charlie X

Next stop China!

So wow. Yesterday was absolutely amazing. An 8am start, Loko headed to canyon swing and while I made my way to the Nevis. Loko's swing involved a 60m freefall followed by a 200m seeing across the canyon. He will be uploading the video to Facebook in which he screams like a little girl...its hilarious.

My Nevis bungy jump started with a gondola ride to the bungy platform suspended in the middle of a valley.  The instructions were simple jump, fall 134m and on your second bounce back up pull the tag on your left leg. As soon as I was on the platform all fear vanished and was replaced by sheer excitement. 3, 2, 1 and I jumped. So many thoughts rush through your head as you fall, one of which for me was "I need to find a higher one!". Hence next stop China where they have a 233m bungy, when I can afford it! I will put the video up on Facebook soon.

Next up was Shotover Jet. The boats can run over a minimum of 95mm of water and they go fast! The drivers are great, getting so close to the walls of the canyon and doing 360 degree spins. After that we enjoyed a brief but great helicopter ride with the pilot doing dramatic banks every now and then.

The rating lasted for 2.5 hours through some great rapids. Unfortunately one had been made too dangerous by the recent bad weather so we had to walk around. After all the excitement we had a drink then returned to the hostel  for a BBQ and a quiet night watching the tennis.

Had a sleep in this morning and finally checked out Fergburger. In the wise words of Samuel L Jackson "That is a tasty burger!". May head up the mountain to see some scenery.

Stay calm and don't ever buy pre-ripped jeans. Adios Charlie X

Milford Sound

The early rise was well worth it. The drive to Milford Sound was beautiful enough and then the Sound itself was spectacular. Pictures most certainly don't do the area justice. Loko and Joachim hid inside when the boat edged its way toward the waterfall. My inner Ishmael had me standing on the bow facing the wind and water! No dolphins unfortunately but we did see a family of very cute fur seals. A lovely part of the world and the drive was fantastic.

On the way back to Te Anau we stopped at a lake and then by a river where I dipped my toes in the glacier water. A wee bit chilly to say the least. After lunch in Te Anau we drove straight to Queenstown.

Last night we did the pub crawl. It was fun, too much fun. Today we recover for tomorrow is the epic day!

Keep those toenails trimmed and good afternoon. Charlie X

Scenic scenery to be seen.

This morning we said goodbye to Marte and Mary and made our way to Te Anua along with Joachim.
A short stop in Gore, the world's capital of brown trout fishing and NZ's capital of country music proved to be too much fun so we continued with the trip. We saw sheep, road, sheep, cars, sheep and sheep. Sheep galore! It was almost to much for Loko to handle!

Our place in Te Anua is average but we have a balcony overlooking the lake. It is a beautiful sight with the mountains looming in the background. The afternoon spent indulging in all the actives that Te Anua has to offer...of which there are NONE! Sat on the balcony reading for 3 hours before we headed to a bar called Redcliff with a great pub feel and amazing beer garden out the front. After a cheeky pint with Joachim and an Israeli guy named Guy we had a huge meal at Baileys before heading home for more reading and an early night.

Up tomorrow at 0615 for the drive to Milford Sound and the 0915 cruise.

Eat your veges and wear an extra layer, salut cool cats!

Charlie X
p.s apologies for incorrect WWII dates, Loko will punished accordingly and may have his blog writing privileges revoked.
but Loko is actually the best
...after seeing this last sentence Loko has also lost proof reading privileges.

P.s.s we are getting closer to Hobbits. The evidence being the shower head was level with my nipples rather than above my head.
Xoxo

Steep iz bru!

After much deliberation and witty banter, we decided to get out of bed once it got to 12pm.
The Speight's brewery (last tour= unlimited drinks) had taken a large toll on our ability to string sentences together and general motor skills- even this morning. Thus, we bit the bullet and ATTACKED the day.
We walked into the octagon and grabbed a cheeky velvet burger, ones that we had the night before, and may or may not have voided our bowels from the orgasmic taste of the aforementioned burgers.
Charlie for once, finished his meal before me, which is a phenomena equated to the significance of the Germans surrendering in the Second World War.
After, we checked out the railway then we went to the Cadbury factory and booked a tour of the famous Dunedin establishment and had ourselves a great time. Liquid chocolate and kiwi equivalent of bogans ensued on our tour, but it was all good fun.
Once we realised how tired we were yet again we took a nap, soon to be changed to a trip to the beach beach, to get a wave with our new German mate, Joachim. We saw a seal and shit. We don't see many of those generally.

The photo you see below is of Baldwin street- the steepest public road in the world, and our tiny little 1.3L daihatsu handbag-on-wheels made it up! It was a glorious achievement, And also a great spot for scenic scenery to be seen.
Nek up on the agenda was the botanical gardens, quite awesome, very well put together and just a great outing for the whole family. The tree in the middle was quite large, in fact it was enormous. One would say it might have been two trees, but on account of the fact that we could only see one tree, there was only one tree.
Finally, tonight, we cooked up some wicked awesome pasta and smashed a few quiet beverages with our new mates. Sad to see it all go but all good things must come to an end.

There was also a piano in the hostel we didn't know about before, and old mate Germany had a soprano saxophone, so we had a jazz jam session just like one would if they had the means.

All in all, a great day. Charlie didn't complain that much which is something that can also be equated to the Normandy beach landings of 1942.
Lookin forward to the drive to Te Anau tomorrow, plenty of scenic scenery to be seen I'm sure!

With all my undying freshness,

Loko x

Beer, beer,a cheeky cider and more beer.

Please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors...the room is still spinning.
We enjoyed a relaxing late afternoon yesterday and then booked and made our way to the Speights brewery tour. I learnt so much...then forgot it all. Being the last tour of the day we stayed around for an hour and a half with free reign on the taps. The numbers slowly dwindled until we were left with a fun group. Roger the Swiss (Zurich), Silvia the Italian (Venice), Connor and Margaret were both American (Kansas and San Francisco respectively), Marte and Mary from the previous hostel and another Dutch girl with a Dutch name.. Once we were asked to leave we moved to the Octagon to a Monteiths craft bar where the beer was equally as good as Speights (those who know me well know I will only drink good beer) they make great beer here! Especially their dark  beers! Loko was on the Radler (lemon beer), just another step out of his extensive buttless chaps filled closet.
Cheeky trip to Velvet burger, where we will be returning for lunch and back to Craft. After more drinkies three of us were left and at 2am I left Loko with Margaret. Who knows what happened!?!? I don't, you don't and you never will! I believe he was back in about 4am.
Woke up at 11 this morning and have been gradually sobering up while writing and Loko is on the top bunk thinking philosophically about penguins, men and why we feel that urge to set the TV volume to an even number or multiple of five...well I assume that's what he is doing.
As always stay fresh like cucumbers! Out! Charlie X
P.s I may let Loko do the next blog post so watch out!

Loko likes balls!

Change of plan!
Yesterday Arthur's Pass was closed so we were going to take there Lewis Pass despite warning of extremely high  winds. The trouble was the road between Haast and Makarua (something sounding like that) was closed with no indication of how long for. So we decided to reverse the trip and drive south. A solid drive to Oamaru where we were to stay the night.
While there we had a drive around the town. down by the harbour, on a hunt for penguins (to observe not eat) we found an amazing steampunk themed children's playground. Being the big, strong men that we are, we only had a brief play and slide. No penguins so we went back to the hostel and cooked up some pasta. After dinner and a game of chess we made some friends and had some quiet drinks with Marte and Mary, Dutch and German respectively. This morning we set off for Dunedin, with Marte and Mary who needed a lift. On the way we stopped at Marouki beach, home to huge spherical boulders shaped by the ocean. Arriving in Dunedin we had lunch in the city centre then headed to the beach, beach to get a wave. Excellent surf butt the water was far too cold.

Looking forward to a tour of the local brewery then a few pubs tonight.
Au revoir banditos!
Charlie X

Day 1

Why pay for a hotel when you can sleep on the airport floor? You actually get sleep! That's why!
With my two hours sleep and Loko's four we caught the shuttle to pick up the car. A sixy rid daihatsu hitchbick. It conjures images of a shaved hamster and has a horn similar to that of a mouse sighing. We started heading to Arthur's Pass, on the way stopping at a lake so I could wake myself up in the freezing water. See below for lake image including me and my most flattering undies. Approaching Arthur's Pass someone signalled us to tell us the pass was closed so headed back almost to Christchurch to take the Lewis Pass already with a death toll of two as we were attacked by suicide birds.
We're about to drive via the Lewis pass to greymouth (slight change of plan) but all in all we're doing well so far.

Summing up:
1. Everything is backwards
2. Already killed 2 birds, although they had it coming
3. Everything that is written on the road for information regarding upcoming obstacles must be shouted at the top of our lungs.
4. Kiwis copy off us a lot.

Arrived

Little Loko schleepin' on the floor of Christchurch airport! Less than
six hours until we can pick up our car. Lots of turbulence coming into
land but very impressive touchdown by the pilot considering the
circumstances. Must try again to get some sleep now. Charlie

Leaving the Shire

The first beers of the trip are going down well. I was unaware it was
even legal to charge $10 for a beer...good old Sydney. Well it's off
to Christchurch for Loko and Charlie aka Frodo and Sam. Loko, being
fat, curly-haired and a raging homosexual, is Sam and I shall be Frodo
because I whine a lot.
Looking forward to a cheeky sleep in Christchurch airport before
picking up the car tomorrow morning. Merry Chrimbo one and all! Enjoy
the new year and stay hydrated. See you in NZ/Middle Earth x

Off to New Zealand with more alcohol than food and sense. It's gonna be a good 2 weeks!

Mordor Bound!

Map...